As a graduate student, my closest contacts are the members of my lab that I see almost every day. Mentoring, working side by side and sharing equipment and ideas requires a level of trust from the individuals that you work with.
However, some of these work relationships can get tense when this trust has been eroded. I recently dealt with a situation where a senior co-worker was secretly testing my novel ideas that had previously announced I would plan to work on during a group meeting. I let this simmer for a few days before ultimately deciding to talk to my advisor about this person. Truthfully, going through this process felt isolating at times because I did not want to damage my working relationship with this person but I also could not let this pattern go unaddressed. Even though I was not able to get the affirmative, absolute positive response from my advisor that I had envisioned in my head, I was grateful for my efforts. In the following weeks, I noticed some positive subtle adjustments that were made by my co-worker and my advisor. Here are some steps that I took to address my issue and help me through the process.
1. Talk to a trusted friend who is not involved in your professional life
Talking to someone will help alleviate the burden of keeping your side of the story in your head. In addition, it can help you distill why this co-worker is bothering you.
2. Kill with kindness
Even after you make your co-worker aware of the conflict, make sure you behave professionally. Say hi to your co-worker when they enter the room. Give credit where it’s due and assist your co-worker if they ask for help. Try to place blame of the conflict on the situation, not on the person as much as possible. This will ensure that at least your relationship can still remain cordial while you are working together.
3. Reach out to your advisor and give your co-worker the benefit of the doubt
When I reached out to my advisor, I framed the situation as a communication issue. I detailed the situation and added dates for when interactions in question occurred and why this was damaging our work-relationship. I also suggested ways that our communication can change so that this situation does not occur again. This way, I was able to address the issue without sounding accusatory.
4. Ideas that you need help from this person, expect to act quickly on those protocols
In the future, if I need help with a protocol from this person for a novel idea, I will plan to complete the experiment within a few days afterward and present the data to my advisor quickly. This way, I can avoid feeling like someone else claimed the experiment.
5. Keep a record of all your contacts with this person
In general, I make sure to maintain all emails relating to specific topics within the same chain. That way, recipients can reference previous emails below if they need context. It also allows me to keep a history of all important communication, such as evidence of idea theft, dated and easy CC to my advisor if problems arise. Therefore, when I email my co-worker, I make sure that all of my meaningful conversations with this person will be completed over email in the future and my advisor will be CC’d for important emails. This way, any conflict in communication can be addressed in email.
Resources:
However, some of these work relationships can get tense when this trust has been eroded. I recently dealt with a situation where a senior co-worker was secretly testing my novel ideas that had previously announced I would plan to work on during a group meeting. I let this simmer for a few days before ultimately deciding to talk to my advisor about this person. Truthfully, going through this process felt isolating at times because I did not want to damage my working relationship with this person but I also could not let this pattern go unaddressed. Even though I was not able to get the affirmative, absolute positive response from my advisor that I had envisioned in my head, I was grateful for my efforts. In the following weeks, I noticed some positive subtle adjustments that were made by my co-worker and my advisor. Here are some steps that I took to address my issue and help me through the process.
1. Talk to a trusted friend who is not involved in your professional life
Talking to someone will help alleviate the burden of keeping your side of the story in your head. In addition, it can help you distill why this co-worker is bothering you.
2. Kill with kindness
Even after you make your co-worker aware of the conflict, make sure you behave professionally. Say hi to your co-worker when they enter the room. Give credit where it’s due and assist your co-worker if they ask for help. Try to place blame of the conflict on the situation, not on the person as much as possible. This will ensure that at least your relationship can still remain cordial while you are working together.
3. Reach out to your advisor and give your co-worker the benefit of the doubt
When I reached out to my advisor, I framed the situation as a communication issue. I detailed the situation and added dates for when interactions in question occurred and why this was damaging our work-relationship. I also suggested ways that our communication can change so that this situation does not occur again. This way, I was able to address the issue without sounding accusatory.
4. Ideas that you need help from this person, expect to act quickly on those protocols
In the future, if I need help with a protocol from this person for a novel idea, I will plan to complete the experiment within a few days afterward and present the data to my advisor quickly. This way, I can avoid feeling like someone else claimed the experiment.
5. Keep a record of all your contacts with this person
In general, I make sure to maintain all emails relating to specific topics within the same chain. That way, recipients can reference previous emails below if they need context. It also allows me to keep a history of all important communication, such as evidence of idea theft, dated and easy CC to my advisor if problems arise. Therefore, when I email my co-worker, I make sure that all of my meaningful conversations with this person will be completed over email in the future and my advisor will be CC’d for important emails. This way, any conflict in communication can be addressed in email.
Resources:
- The Ten Commandments for Dealing With Coworkers: https://www.kfadvance.com/articles/the-ten-commandments-for-dealing-with-coworkers
- Collaborating With a Difficult Co-Worker: Do’s and Don’ts: https://www.kellyservices.us/us/careers/career-resource-center/managing-your-career/collaborating-with-a-difficult-co-worker-dos-and-donts/
